What to Send When Someone Dies: A Guide to Meaningful Sympathy Gifts
When someone you know has lost a loved one, it can be difficult to know what to say or what to send. You want to do something thoughtful to let them know you're thinking of them, but finding the right gift can feel surprisingly difficult.
Flowers are a traditional choice, but they're not the only option. A living gift can be a meaningful alternative - something that can be cared for, planted and enjoyed long after the initial days of grief have passed.
At Tree Gifts NZ, we create living tree and plant gifts designed to help you send a thoughtful message of care and support when words aren't quite enough.
What is an appropriate gift when someone dies?
There isn't one right answer. The most appropriate sympathy gift is one that genuinely communicates that you're thinking of the person and their family.
For many people, flowers are the traditional choice. They're beautiful and offer an immediate expression of sympathy, but they eventually fade.
A living plant or tree offers something different. It can continue to grow and, if planted in the garden, become a lasting reminder of the person who has passed away.
That's why many of our customers choose a tree when sending their condolences.
What can I send instead of flowers?
If you'd like to send something a little more personal than flowers, a living tree can be a beautiful choice.
A tree represents something that continues to grow and can be kept for years to come. The recipient can enjoy it in a pot or, when the time is right, plant it in their garden.
We've heard from customers who have planted their Tree Gift in memory of their loved one and from recipients who have told us how beautifully their tree is growing.
It's a simple gift, but one that can become something meaningful over time.
Why send a tree as a sympathy gift?
A tree is more than something to unwrap.
It gives the recipient something living to care for and enjoy, and it can eventually become part of their garden or a place of remembrance.
For someone grieving, that lasting quality can make a tree feel particularly appropriate.
Instead of flowers that eventually disappear, a tree can continue to grow.
It's a gift that says, “I'm thinking of you,” while giving them something that can last.
What if I don't know what to choose?
You don't need to spend a long time deciding.
Our Aroha Gift Hamper is our Best Seller and is a popular choice for sympathy and bereavement gifting.
It combines a beautiful living tree with carefully selected treats, making it a thoughtful and complete gift when you're not quite sure what would be appropriate.
The fact that it's our Best Seller also means you're not having to second-guess your choice - it's something other customers have chosen to send to people they care about.
How much should I spend on a sympathy gift?
There is no set amount you should spend on a sympathy gift.
What matters most is the thought behind it.
Some customers choose one of our trees on its own as a simple but meaningful gesture. Others choose a larger gift box because they want to send something more substantial.
Whether you spend $50 or $150, the message is the same:
I'm thinking of you, and I wanted you to know I'm here.
Should I send a sympathy gift if I'm attending the funeral?
You can, but you don't have to.
Some people send a gift instead of attending, while others attend the funeral and send something afterwards. There isn't a rule about when a sympathy gift must be sent.
If you're unable to be there in person, having a gift delivered can be a lovely way of letting someone know you're thinking of them.
And if you are attending the funeral, a gift sent to their home afterwards can provide a little ongoing support once the immediate days surrounding the funeral have passed.
When should I send a sympathy gift?
As soon as feels appropriate.
You don't need to wait until after the funeral, and you don't need to worry that you've missed your opportunity if some time has passed.
Grief doesn't end when the funeral is over.
A thoughtful gift sent a week or even several weeks later can still mean a great deal to someone who is grieving.
What should I write in a sympathy card?
You don't need to find perfect words.
A simple, genuine message is often best.
You might write:
“Thinking of you and your family at this difficult time.”
“So sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and sending our love.”
“With heartfelt sympathy and love.”
“Thinking of you and remembering [name] with you.”
If you knew the person who died, mentioning their name can make the message feel particularly personal.
Can I send a sympathy gift directly to the recipient?
Yes. Tree Gifts can be sent directly to the person or family you are thinking of.
Simply enter their delivery details when placing your order and add your personal message for the accompanying card.
We'll take care of preparing and sending your gift, so you don't need to arrange delivery yourself.
A living gift that lasts
When someone dies, there isn't a gift that can make the loss easier.
But sometimes a thoughtful gesture can let someone know they're not alone.
A living tree is a simple way to say:
I'm thinking of you.
I'm sorry for your loss.
I wish I could be there.
And perhaps, over time, it can become something more — a tree growing in their garden, a place to pause and remember, and a lasting reminder of the people who cared enough to send it.
Send a meaningful sympathy gift
If you're looking for something thoughtful to send after a loss, explore our collection of Sympathy & Bereavement Gifts.
From a simple living tree to our popular Aroha Gift Hamper, each gift is prepared with care and delivered across New Zealand.